Day 1: Reaction Games

When disagreeing with someone’s views, yet we are incapable of voicing exactly what it is that we want to say, we tend to go into a point of ‘wanting to say’ something.

This ‘wanting to say something’ places us in a position of inferiority as we are no longer saying what it is that we see – we instead enter into a position of ‘want’ which resonantly makes us one and equal to who we are, which is a ‘want’. We then access the game of wanting to say that which we desire to say – also placing us into a position of ‘want’.

This participation from both parties creates an experience of playing a game of want – The game of want in itself is a polarity game and as such will require a winner and a looser. Both are defending their point of view – both only considering their respective points, not actually listening to one another, looking directly at that which is being said – but jumping to conclusions that support each individual’s point of view.

Both parties then access the point of ‘you are not listening to me’ – feeling that the other person is not listening, which starts to generate energy within both parties.

If the conversation goes on for long enough, there should be a considerable amount of energy built up – till either one party gives in or another party exerts authority, thereby creating a winner and a looser. The winner gets the satisfaction of winning – yet still feels like they have lost as the other person did not get what they were saying.

The looser feels as though they had lost and accesses a point within themselves where they are justifying to themselves why they are right. Thereby making themselves feel better about their experience.

The end result is that both parties have reacted – this reaction is a key to self that one’s participation was not effective in how self applied self and it thereby calls for personal self-responsibility to be taken of the reaction within and as self; for it was never about the topic of conversation it was always about who self was within the topic that was discussed.

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a point of view and through this point of view I did not allow myself to be present within the conversation and relied on the point of view to be present within the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the other person’s point of view when it did not agree with my point of view.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see their point of view as flawed and thereby by default saw my point of view as right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through this point of view went into the application of ‘wanting to tell my story’ in reference to the point of view that I had accepted and allowed within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that if I access a ‘point of view’ within and as myself, I in fact do not remain present in the moment and through this I give up what is here in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in the game called ‘my point of view’ and through this game I accessed a point of polarity within myself thus wanting to win the game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the polarity game of ‘my point of view is right’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the energy of wanting to be right / wanting to win / wanting to prove that my point of view is correct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the experience of ‘you are not listening to me’ because I saw it that my point of view was not being considered / heard / understood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction within myself because I believed that my point of view was not being considered.

I forgive myself that through this application of believing that my point of view is not being considered, I further went into the application of wanting to explain myself more – because I believed that if the person just understands what I am saying that they would agree with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate and change my words so that we can at least agree on some points as I think that this application would bring some form of peace / agreement to the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to further use manipulation of my words so that I can end up being right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, through further feedback, realised that the person does not understand what I am saying and thus then went into further reactions of ‘the person is not listening to me’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then find myself in a position where the conversation goes out of hand and it becomes a fight for survival of opinions by the egos.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert the point of being right within the conversation.

Compromise myself – loosing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through wanting the fighting of the ego’s to end, I compromise myself by either accepting what the other person says or I give up by pretending that the other person is right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through this pretense have negative thoughts about the other person being a tyrant and thus I have to submit to the tyranny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that backing down is the only solution to ending the fight of the egos.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was doing the right thing through ‘back down’ and not voicing what I believe to be right / true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use snide remarks as a form of defense mechanism towards the person that I see as being the dominant one / the tyrant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself feel better about who I am by justifying to myself why I am right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a form of self talk within myself to make myself feel better about the conversation and losing the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my self-talk as a form of self-comfort.

Exert myself – winning
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my knowledge as a form of authority in order to win the game of ‘my opinion’ is right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to another person ‘wanting to have their say’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the person ‘having their say’ and justifying my reaction by saying to myself that they are not considering all the points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I was not considering all the points as is evident through my reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to belittle the other person because I saw that they were not considering all the points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept my reaction as justified within the context of what happened within the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-righteousness as a means of self-talk to justify to myself why I am right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use judgment of the other person as a form of making myself feel better about myself.

Self-Corrective Statements

Within this experience I realise that there can be no winners and no losers once I have entered the polarity game. The only option is to stop the game being playing.
When and as I find myself within a situation where I have started playing a polarity game, I stop and breathe and realise how such a game plays out. I do not allow myself to participate in the game.

When and as I see myself about to or already participating within a polarity game – I stop and breathe. I realise within myself that I have not yet found clarity about the specific point under discussion and I am through this game trying exert what I have created a belief about the point under discussion. I thus stop the conversation and do not allow myself to participate from the point of beliefs that I have formed. Instead I look directly at the point and direct the point as me within clarity and direction.

When and as I see myself as though I have already lost the polarity game – I stop and breathe. I realise that I just participated within a polarity game and I realise that I am experiencing the consequential outflows of what a polarity game brings. I stop the cycle by not allowing myself to go into thoughts of self-talk to make myself feel better about myself – as this will just recreate another cycle of pent up energy that I will have to deal with as a consequence of my participation within my thoughts.

When and as I see myself as though I have already won a polarity game – I stop and breathe. I realise that I just participated within a polarity game and I realise that I am experiencing the consequential outflows of what a polarity game brings. I stop the cycle by not allowing myself to go into thoughts of self-talk where I have made myself better than the other person, as this will just recreate another cycle of pent up energy that I will have to deal with as a consequence of my participation within my thoughts.

I realise within this application that by having after-thoughts about a conversation where I am trying to catch out the other person or trying to make my point right is part of the reasoning design where I am using reasoning as a method to come to truth instead of allowing myself to look directly at a point.

I therefor do not accept and allow myself to use reasoning to ‘make a point right’ as I realise that reasoning can be manipulated to suite the manipulator of information.

I therefor only allow myself to look at the point directly within and as myself and if I cannot yet see the point clearly within and as myself I allow myself to wait until I am clear within myself to see the point directly.

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